youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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