You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
