you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
