Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
