Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
