Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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