I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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