You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
