also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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