Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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