Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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