why didn't you poke me back
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
