I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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