Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
