Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
