You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
