Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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