...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
