Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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