the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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