Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
