You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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