the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
