I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
