Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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