just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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