Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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