I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you made out with another girl for some wings
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
