I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
