are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
