he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
