two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im holly from the hills drunk
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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