just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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