theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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