I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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