FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
