3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
