yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize