Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
