Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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