i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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