u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
