I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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