Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
