how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
