Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
