Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
