At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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