you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
