I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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