Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
