I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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