I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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