Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
