I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
